“THROUGH ME THE WAY TO THE CITY OF WOE
THROUGH ME THE WAY TO ETERNAL PAIN
THROUGH ME THE WAY THAT RUNS AMONG THE LOST

JUSTICE MOVED MY MAKER ON HIGH,
DIVINE POWER MADE ME,
WISDOM SURPREME, AND PRIMAL LOVE

BEFORE ME NOTHING WAS BUT THINGS ETERNAL,
AND I ENDURE ETERNALLY.
ABANDON ALL HOPE, YOU WHO ENTER HERE.”

For the player: What snarky thing do you say to the group or the game master? [Roll 1d10]
1. Argue with the Game Master about which translation he’s using. “While the Robert and Jean Hollander version is far more accurate, it loses some of the poetics found in other translations–especially ones from the 19th century.”
2. Ask the Game Master: “Hold on? What language is the sign written in? Italian? Or an English translation? Because my character can only understand Common and Elvish.”
3. Turn on your heel, 180 degrees, and walk back the way your character came. “I don’t care what the GM has planned.”
4. Bad puns and jokes. “Looks like were in for one helluva an adventure tonight.”
5. Questions. “So like, is this our last adventure? Or did that already happen and we didn’t know it?”
6. “You all can turn back if you want. All of those demons and devils in there. Think of the experience points and treasure!”
7. “I didn’t realize we’d gotten to the bottom of the dungeon in Diablo so soon…”
8. “You first.” “No, you first.” “I insist.” “You’re too polite. No, your first.”
9. “We should have expected this. To get a natural 18 in this game you need to roll three 6s.”
10.”Well, at least we’re not on a tropical island with a strange light overhead.”
11.”Stupid Wand of Wonder!”
12.”Hey, Ma! I’m home!”

For the Game Master: Which song to do you play to restore the mood to your game? [Roll 1d16]
1. “Wollt ihr das bett en flammen sehen?” by Rammstein.
2. “Spiel Mit Mir,” by Rammstein.
3. “Engel,” by Rammstein.
4. “Mein Herz Brennt,” by Rammstein.
5. “Mein Teil,” by Rammstein.
6. “Hands of Death (Burn Baby Burn),” by Rob Zombie.
7. “Welcome to my Nightmare,” by Alice Cooper.
8. “See You on the Other Side,” by Ozzy Osbourne.
9.”Devil’s Dance,” by Metallica.
10.”Down in a Hole,” by Alice in Chains.
11.”Paint it Black,” by the Rolling Stones.
12.”The End,” by the Doors.
13.”Don’t Fear the Reaper,” by Blue Oyster Cult.
14.”The Grudge,” by Tool.
15. Anything by Marilyn Manson
16.”It’s a Small World,” by Disney.