Dear Stelios, 

You’d never in a million years think this kind of thing would happened to me, but it did. While I was hanging out at my favorite local gaming store last night, somebody tried to get me to play Rolemaster, by Iron Crown Enterprises.

You know, that really detailed game from the 1980s with all of those rules and tables? The one where you roll percentage dice and add a bunch of double-digit modifiers?. Where there’s 20 types of armor and each weapon gets a combat chart?

I mean, I’d known about Rolemaster for many years, even owned a copy of the basic rulebook just to check it out. But I’ve never encountered anybody who tried to get me to play, nor have I ever desired to play it. The rules are just too damn tedious.

The GM had everything set up as if to run, but he had no players. I was just wandering around and I saw his stuff and exclaimed: “Oh my gawd! Who’s trying to run Rolemaster!”

The GM must have mistaken my shock and surprise for a genuine desire to play the game. Because he started telling me all about how the rules are better than Dungeon & Dragons. After some discussion, I headed back to where my friends were playing a wargame.

He followed and continued talking.  Yet I politely, but firmly, told him, “I’m not playing Rolemaster.”  

He went away. He seemed friendly enough, and I feel bad if he was confused.  Maybe I’ll invite him to play in one of my RPGs in the near future. 

Do you think I handled this situation okay? Or should have I done something different? 


Mr. Perdios


Mr. Perdios,

Yes, I know about the game. We used to call it “Role-bastard.”

But what were you thinking? You handled the situation all wrong!

This was a golden opportunity to win an edition war, by crushing the opposition in an epic fashion!

You got the Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG 4th Printing in the mail the other day, remember?holeinsky 

Why didn’t you take that weighty tome, slam it down on the table, knocking over all of his miniatures, and then sweep all of his books to the floor, while blasting a song like Metallica’s Master of Puppets on your cellphone or laptop, and then force him to play through a 0-level funnel like DCC #86: The Hole in the Sky?!?

And if he doesn’t like that. You tell him that Rolemaster sucks, and needs to be burned beneath a pile of Jack Chick tracts.

And then shove some Zocchi dice in his hands make him play. And then laugh as his 0-level peons die.





PS: I’ve been sick and mostly bed ridden for the last week with a nasty flu. I’m better now. Really.