Easily following the ludicrous notion of Game Master accreditation and is the idea that players must undergo a similar process.
In fact, I believe if there was an RPG accreditation process, it should start with the players. A system like this would be useful to keep the riff-raff out of my games and the hobby as a whole.
As part of this accreditation, all new players to
Dungeons & Dragons roleplaying games must watch an online video series about the following topics:
- Basic Health and Hygiene
- Group Etiquette and Manners
- Scheduling and Time Management
- The Five Geek Social Fallacies
- Life Away from the Tabletop
- How to Roleplay
- How to Rollplay
- Why the GM Runs Games for Food
- Let the GM Finish Talking
- Why The GM’s NO Means NO
- When the GM Smiles, it’s Already Too Late
- When the GM Hates You: Rot Grubs, Ear Seekers, and Throat Leeches
- Tilting at Windmills, Attacking Gazebos
- The Head of Vecna
- $#^! Gygax Said
- Why $#^! Gygax Said Won’t Matter Here
- Lies Jack Chick Told You
- Ni! and Other Quotes You Shall Not Utter
- More Rules, More Options, More Problems
- We’re Using Ascending AC and BAB, but here’s THAC0 explained
- All Editions of D&D Are Fine (except for Fourth Edition)
- G-A-M-E-B-A-L-A-N-C-E Spells ILLUSION
- Crying and Whining Won’t Resurrect Your Favorite Character
- Why Girls Don’t Want to Hear About Your Favorite Character
- Why Non-Gamers Don’t Want to Hear About Your Favorite Character
- Why Nobody Wants to Hear About Your Favorite Character
- It’s Okay to Laugh When Somebody’s Favorite Character Dies
- Don’t Touch My Rule Books With Your Greasy Fingers
- …And Now the Severe Beating of an Obnoxious Rules Lawyer
Prospective players will have to take a quiz after each video, except for the last, which will be like one of those bloody Driver’s Ed videos, featuring a game master severely beating a rules lawyer with his own hands. One particular grueling scene has the rules lawyer, barefoot, stepping across a floor covered in d4s.
I haven’t decided on the video’s soundtrack. Maybe Hurt, by Johnny Cash, because the rules lawyer really does it to himself.
Once a newbie has finished these online course, they’ll receive an official certificate and card which states I’m not a Wang-Rod. (To borrow an term from Matthew Colville).
Of course, I’m joking.
Even the idea of accreditation for Players and GMs sounds like a headache waiting to happen.
I can accredit my own players and chose my own GMs, thank you.