Every so often I’ll hit an existential crisis where I question whether to continue down certain paths is worth it in the long run.
What and how much have I missed out on because I was such an avid gamer for so long? Why does tabletop gaming continue to pre-occupy so much of my head space?
Why do I feel guilty for not painting all of these miniatures?
Why do I feel guilty for going into a gaming store and not buying any merchandise? I already have enough stuff as it is.
Why do I have this drive to be a game master? Why can’t I be content as a player?
Can I actually walk away from the hobby all together? Or it is an addiction? Can I actually quit and not think about gaming for at least an entire day?
Why do I have trouble applying this drive and motivation to writing fiction?
And so on.
The upside: these feelings were far worse five years ago before I began downsizing my collection. Selling hundreds of miniatures and at least hundred gaming books lifted a lot of weight off my chest.
So I’ll be all right in the long term once I figure things out. I think.